Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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