the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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