I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
