I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
