nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had to cum in my sink.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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