Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
