you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
