the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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