you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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