Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
