Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
