Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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