I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
