What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
