butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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