do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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