the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
