I am in a vortex of obligation.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
