hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
