Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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