Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
