TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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