Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
