you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
