First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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