Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize