You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
