Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
