I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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