The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
