You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
