I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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