I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
