OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
