fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
