I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
