Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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