I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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