i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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