What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
