I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
