No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
