Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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