The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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