Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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