I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
