i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
