so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
