dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
