I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
