this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
