I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
