i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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