i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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