I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
