I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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