Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
