I hate your face
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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