I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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