Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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