Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it because I queefed?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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