Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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