god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
