i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
