Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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