Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
