just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
