i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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