a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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