girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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